Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Late-night's top hosts spent the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new plan which permits international nationals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of one million dollars, or "premium" tier for $5 million. A government page promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these applicants absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping poll numbers amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a effort to address cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.