Navigating the Yearning for Casual Encounters While Seeking a Committed Partnership
Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a committed partnership which continued for a significant period, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. The fact is that my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.
Reflecting on the Feasibility of Monogamy
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that numerous homosexual males engage in non-monogamous arrangements, yet from my observations, they appear like hard work, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy among all parties. To a large extent, I desire another man to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, but I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Should I just continue to have casual sex and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I’m feeling somewhat confused.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle different types of sexual unions in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift in the future; at a certain time you might become less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you could encounter a person who provides a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Aim to stay present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of every individual you connect with intimately a sexual connection. If and when the time is right to deepen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.
- Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a American psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
