Those Advice shared by My Dad That Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good place. You require assistance. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to discussing the pressure on mothers and about PND, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a break - going on a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the body - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."